yes I even made a special sub-topic just for this single childhood story the subtopic is on this forum Sexuality on your way to God and its name is
please place all story pertaining to your father / mother and childhood there from you. take your time to write as many pages as there are emotions and memories. write all, absolutely all that you ever suppressed or still carried along all the years since childhood. let all the tears flow that come to the surface. tears are healing balm for your soul.
let all divine love flush you and heal all your emotions. since you are afraid of men, you are afraid of being a man yourself. but belief me to be a men - also to be a men in union with a female partner is joy and love. I love to be a man and God knows that I can be both man and woman as I have learned both lessons in previous times.
men can be as gentle as the sweetest babies on earth men can be as gentle and loving as true angels in heaven men can be male and divine as much as women can be female and divine all at the same time.
welcome in my heart, welcome in the heart of all female angels on earth, in the name of God.
when you write me - write as if you were writing to God, to your very best friend, to your very sweetest lover or to a companion that joins you on an adventure through the universes to help you to learn Gods divine creation.
I may be like a guardian angel or a friend ready for plenty of jokes and amusement as long as we do all with love and in love. I have been an adventurer in the name of God -in love and with love for almost infinite time.
all I do is to love and to teach how to love. love is my being. I can love anyone the way he wants to be loved. so write however YOU prefer to write. whatever pleases you pleases me as long as it really makes you happy. whatever you say is always right. however you say what you say I always will know why you do it that way.
but if you want to do me a favor - please stop calling me master. this is something I never used in my entire existence ever since this soul has
been created. I love God and God loves me and still I treat and talk to God like to my very best friend knowing that he always loves me, even when I do things that earthly beings may consider stupid. God knows how and why I do what I do. and God shows me why people are doing what they are doing. we are all equal beings among all on earth and beyond from eternity to eternity.
whenever you pray always pray to God, only to God !!
with love and divine bliss
Loving Friend Hans,
I surrender to God and bless me to begin my saga. My love to all Divine beings. Beloved ones forgive me and bless me for all what happened.
I was born as the 3rd and youngest in family in a village in southern part of India. My sister was the eldest and next was my brother(who passed away in 1984 in an accident) My Daddy passed away in Aug 1996. He was 76 and had cancer. My Mummy is alive and all alone back home in our house.
Child hood memories haunt me a lot as it is mixed with good and bad events as well. Financial difficulties were always there though asset wise we were and are still one of the richest families in that area. But truth is that there is no liquid cash and often it was difficult to run the family.
My Daddy traveled a lot and had many experiences in life and he was a man of principles, honest to the core, disciplined (little too disciplined) too bold,fearless,industrial,punctual but short tempered. people of our village respected him a lot and we too used to get the privilege of being born as a son to my Daddy and mummy.
My Mummy is a symbol of love, harmony, peace, creativity, beauty, perseverance, poetic, musical and her gift is her patience and compassion. She was and is always submissive though when she is given the responsibility she does take the leadership(as Daddy is not there).
We were taught from the very beginning to respect elders and teachers and it was must for us to bow before a temple,church or mosque though by religion I am a Hindu.
I was disciplined to a great extent and going to friends places etc were not permitted at all though I used to get some relaxation; since born after 9 years later than my brother. I need to tell where I am going and what time I will come back. If I am late by more than 5 minutes I'll have it for that day.
My Daddy had a business set up manufacturing agricultural implements,sofa sets,a rice mill and a flour mill. It was our duty to join hands with him after school hours and I hated it. My brother was always the victim of my Daddy's temper. Since money was always a problem, Daddy was finding it hard to run the business (I realize it now though at that time I did not have a clue.)
I was very good at studies except for maths and feared to ask Daddy any doubt. Once I remember I had an election competition and the topic was Guru Bhakti (Respect for Teacher). I sought my Daddy's help. He started explaining and I fumbled at his questions. He yelled and threw my book out of the door and shouted me to go out of room. I cried in silence as I could not cry in front of him for fear of being spanked. I went out to Mummy and cried. That was the end of asking doubt to my Dad.
I always liked to tell my grades to Daddy as he gets pleased because I'll be first in class for all subjects except math. If I get less my Daddy never scolded me, rather said, " Don't worry,make it next time." I used this week point of Daddy for getting permission to go to friends place or for a picnic. I was the only one in family to have the privilege of going for a picnic from school while I was in 7th grade.
My Mummy used to wake me up at 4 o'clock every morning and if I do not get up she would pour cold water on my face. Many times I had to make coffee myself,using the old fashioned stove ( i.e. using fire woods and kerosene.) It takes so long to make the fire and the kitchen used to be far end of the house separate from main bldg and I was afraid to the core to go there alone though I had to go. I'll sing aloud and do my work. When Mummy's health is OK she would make it for me.
My sister was and is exceptionally good at studies and by the time I was in 4th or 5th grade she was in university and had to leave our village to study and she had to be put up with a relative of mine and used to come home only on holidays. My brother never had time to study as he was so busy with factory job and he had some eye problem due to which he could not write legibly and caused problems with his grades. He had to discontinue his studies after his 10th grade,which he could not complete.
Loved one Hans, my best friend, God's messenger, all beloved ones, tears are welling up and it is so overwhelming to go back to childhood and I do not even get the events in the chronological order.
I'll continue the story after wards as it is morning 5 o' clock and today I have to go for an interview. Also,the family with whom I am living, the lady of the house (Aunt) is down with back problem and I have to do some cooking and other stuff as children have to go to school.
I'll be back.
Love and prayers. Bless me God to pray all the time. Help me to see u in all and understand that concept well. Let me be one with God.
Dear Hans, I love you so much and I hug you so much and my friend I thank u so much for letting helping me through the process of cleansing.
Love and regards.
even though your story got very short it shows all the details necessary to see and understand yourself why you have become homosexual. I will explain you in love and you will understand for sure. then there will start the full healing process after you have lost any fear of becoming like your father was !!
now I safely assume that you have carefully read all chapters presently published on this web site, as this is the basis of the following explanation.
in the kundalini chapter you have seen the graphic with the first 12 chakras. the lower ones have an arrow showing the direction they are "turning". now if you look at this picture and imagine that this one may be one sex and the other sex has chakras turning exactly the opposite way. then put the two person together facing each other and you see that the chakras if equal in vibration turn in harmony to each other. that means, men and women are inspiring each other, resulting in greater creativity and better overall feeling and energy - hence more brilliant power in life.
per definition of all my web site: when I talk about homosexuality it refers to women and men alike, and means feeling attracted to persons of same gender / sex.
the Svadhisthana chakra (second from bottom) turns the opposite way. all others usually less and normal direction. That results in a homosexual men being attracted by a men - but only on the sexual level. the sexual level however is the level of physical emotions and physical love.
the more energy flows between the two men or the two women the more destructive this is going to be. it is a self-destruction - resulting possibly in AIDS. a result of extreme self-denial. denial of a God given truth - of sexuality. men and women are God-made male and female is God-made, it is divine as this is merely a manifestation of two important aspects of God.
why is this chakra obstructed ? it is your
fear of getting like your father. your father as a men. just look at the description of your father and you know that this describes a person that never was really loving or gentle. it describes a male person that you as a sensitive spiritual person never wanted to copy.
oh boy, believe me you can now grow up immediately and become a truly male men,taking care of sexual love affairs, enjoying sex, enjoying female partners,enjoying being a men and still be totally different of your father. Totally. because it is you who decide how a men is going to be while still let all your male energy flow in a God-created direction. if the kundalini energy is allowed to flow in the God-created direction, then all the chakras are opening much more, all energy is flowing smoothly and much more powerful,resulting in much higher level of life force, much higher level of vitality, more dynamic creativity all over your life in any and all situations.
if you are together with a men, you get some energy through the Svadhisthana chakra, the more sexual energy is flowing, the more other problems may start to occur,as the wrong direction of the Svadhisthana chakra is blocking more and more all other chakras. It is going to be more and more destructive to physical health. One of the two men has chakras turning in normal direction the other one as described before. the truly homosexual part - only one is truly homosexual - suffers much more than the other.
now what happened to your wife ? for her it was probably not known that you have this problem with yourself and your father. she married you in good belief that she could be your wife. However since your Svadhisthana chakra is turning opposite to hers instead of turning the normal way - i.e. in harmony and inspiring / uplifting - it was causing pain to her, anytime she got near you it caused pain, discomfort, rejection. this is much more intense the more she loves you. loving someone results in being fully open to all his / her energies that means she absorbed all the energies of Svadhisthana chakra into her chakra and this may cause even cancer or tumors or at least extreme pain or illness. for her to part was a necessity of self-protection. she never could have healed you. Even if she loves you like a saint angel.
only you can heal yourself by positively understanding why this happened. by understanding and accepting in love your spiritual situation and lesson as a men and as a male and at the same time be fully aware of your divine potential of being a male men the way YOU want - free of any picture your father ever has played in your life. your fathers present state is still about the same as before or even more serious, but keep in mind that your father is a child of God as well and God directly will take full responsibility and help your father his way when your father is ready.
you are made to the image of God, with all creativity of God. that means clearly that you can be as gentle as you like or as hot as you like - as a men and male - and still live all your emotions and sexual experiences with love, gentle love. true divine love in a physical body can have many different manifestations and still be fully divine. but it needs to please your partners soul.
for you the following mantram may be helpful for a few weeks - but it should be used together with deep thoughts, prayer and devotion for God:
this means that you affirm that you are the one that GOD created as opposed to being your fathers creation and mirror !! this simply is a very powerful affirmation of all within you that God ever has created and re-establishes this divine state and balance of your God-made soul.
beloved soul, only you can heal yourself by accepting your role as a man and belief me it is beautiful to be such - even if on earth many things are much more complicated as with God, it just is a divine game to learn. a game God has created to make us aware of how to be active, divine and loving at the same time while enjoying all live and create joy to all.
one of the most powerful tool to heal yourself is the above affirmation with the mantram given to you by God. such Mantras have been created by God along time ago and are here to be used and to heal mankind.
now in addition to the above I would like to know more detailed how you got all your debts,as I have the feeling that some may be debts or lifestyle expenses of your family in India ? each person is fully responsible for himself. Never you can be held responsible in any way for anyone else - even your mother. all need to learn to conduct a modest life and share in EQUAL shares with all. equal in regard to all others in your family's village. your wife if back at home needs to work and make her own living. or come back to you and help you where you are in Canada. to make it clear,she shall either be your partner and friend as a female women in your life in Canada or get freedom and take care of herself even financially, thus freeing you for another partnership with whoever wants to join you on your way to God.
Shivananda ashram never needs money from you as long as you have debts, Shivananda ashram has many purely commercial Ashrams even charging money to those working for them what they call karma yoga. hence they take care of themselves. Andy do first take care of yourself. once you are healed and strong,you may help anyone you meet and needs help from you. you may find other ways than purely financial ways to help others. sometimes the single most valuable help is to love. just love.
if you feel that you want to continue the story about how you saw your father dealing with your mother and others - please feel free to write as many pages on this very thread as there are still accumulated emotions within you. let all flow out and give it to God by writing it here it is sent directly to God. and dissolved in divine love. then if all is gone from all your painful childhood you are free to be filled, flushed and healed with divine love and light from God until you feel good as a male and as a men. healthy and strong. being powerful, mighty and loving whatever you do.
with love and divine bliss
a friend, a soul that has experienced repeated God-union while still enjoying a male body on earth and enjoying a beautiful female angel as a partner on earth. I enjoy being a father of female angels, a sexual partner of female angels a friend of male angels for various adventures on earth and I love life and love in general and God, love and all mankind and creation above all.
life is fun if you accept life the way God created it - life is fun if you accept the role God created for you.
Please help me. It is happening for the second time now. I was writing my story again for the last one hour or more and when I send it it did not go through and it was erased.
I feel frustrated and depressed at this.
What is here that I need to learn.?
Please guide me. Also I feel so jealous of young guys who talk about sex and females. I try to pray but it becomes over powering. I had elaborated all my childhood experiences, my brothers untimely death, my financial mishap, Dad's attitude towards Mom and all that.
I do not know what to do. Feel confused.
most probably you made the same error or mistake on this forum while attempting to publish your story as you and many - or most - do on their spiritual path. did you EXACTLY follow ALL instructions STEP BY STEP, or did you attempt to skip one step ?
even entering this forum is a spiritual lesson. it may seem difficult for some but in reality it is very simple - if you read all the instructions - understand them and follow them. if however some persons reject from the very beginning to read instructions or object some of the instructions at all, they may fail - again and again. exactly as on their very own spiritual path. instructions were given again and again to all mankind and most refused to follow them or to agree on accepting them and test them until they either proof to be truth or else release all instruction to God and ask him to dissolve them in love.
now we are coming to another point of within you:
are you really ready to relief every emotion related to your experience with your father during your childhood as well as any time before during and previous incarnation.
are you really sure that you are really ready to give all emotions and memories related to your second post waiting to be published to God, are you ready to completely give all these memories away from you, are you sure that you really want to let all pain flow out of your light body. are you willing to let God send you all the love and bliss necessary to heal all of you, including a full healing of the male man within your self ?
if yes then affirm it and write it down by putting all, absolutely all emotions into that post, let all pain and memories flow into that post and give it to GOD by actually publish it as usual.
before you can become a saint, before you can become a true God-realized person you definitely need to positively affirm the male role of your soul that is reflected in your male physical body and all male emotions and energy waiting to be allowed to flow through you.
then after positively accepting your divine role as a male men on earth in a male physical body you may proceed to the next step of spiritual growth. please note that the now following process of self-healing absolutely requires the prior FULL acceptance of your entire role as a male man in a male body. the role of a man in a male physical body as well as the role of a women in female physical body contain some extremely important purely spiritual lesson of each individual soul that ever had, has or will have a physical body. the only way to learn this lesson is to accept this lesson and realize the procedure of learning until a purely spiritual result of spiritual maturity has been achieved allowing to continue the spiritual development of God-realization on a different level until God-union can be achieved.
here are the 2 possibilities that each has after fully accepting his present role in whatever body he has NOW. there are but these two possibilities - just these two - anything else may create additional waste of energy, anything else may cause additional pain and hence may cause additional suffering resulting in additional illnesses and additional karma.
1. after completely affirming your present role as a men you Ashok may find out that you feel extremely comfortable in a role as a male man in regard to all women on earth. you may feel and you may feel absolutely sure that have been SUCCESSFULLY a men before in any earlier incarnation. you may have the full certitude that you have absolutely learned and mastered all male experiences to an extend where you enjoyed being a male man and to an extent where you have been able to physically love all female women that you ever encountered. as a result you may feel that you now want to continue on a purely spiritual path, free of any sexual relationship in your life, while loving and accepting your own sexual being and the sexual being of all angel like female women on earth. when you find that this is your absolute truth you are sure that you can give all love needed by any other person around you on a divine spiritual level, you must be 100 % that all person - particularly all female women around you get all love they ever need to be healed and freed themselves. you have now become aware that rejecting any single person from your love can cause deep and severe feeling of worthlessness within the person rejected. but how could any female women ever feel divine if she is rejected the way GOD MADE HER. God made you as a man and God made others as female women. some of these female women are realized physical angels on earth just loving nothing but loving, and they give all their love all they ever have and had just for love nothing but love. hence even physical love on a sexual level may be but divine healing taking place within the other person. it all is a question of God-related true, honest, pure, divine love flowing from God through you through your beloved partner-soul.
2. the other option many may face is, that after accepting their present situation as a male man, they may realize that they still need to learn how to behave as a man, how to handle the energy that flows through a male man, how to face a female women and handle her energy. as a male man you need to be able to fully open yourself for all the female energy coming from female women. and vice versa meaning that any female woman may need to learn to fully open herself for all the male energy coming from male men. once they have learned this they may evolve to the next step of learning to love on a more spiritual level, getting automatically closer and closer to God-union until God-union is realized. male and female are but two very precise aspects of any divine God-made soul, these are aspects that are part of absolutely all and every souls in existence in Gods entire creation.
these aspects will be explained more in detail in a separate chapter of this web site as mentioned earlier to you. some main point to focus on right now and here shall be revealed immediately here:
1. a man needs to learn to actively love all others who are open for love. a man needs to learn to love and let all love flow from God through his body into the body of a female women. love is spiritual energy, pure spiritual love flowing through all levels of his present physical manifestation, emotions, mind and physical body. a man needs to learn that he can only love anyone open to his love. if someone is open he shall open himself for that person in give all love needed on all levels needed. the cause for having a male incarnation is the loving actively others has been reduced in previous incarnations and needs to be re-learned - hence the male body to "enter" a female body with tender love and let all the love - semen - flow into that body when she wishes to receive such love - in love - with love
2. a woman needs to learn to open for the love from others. a women needs to learn to open again for love in general. a woman needs to learn to open for love flowing into her and through her. love coming from any divine source. a soul being incarnated in a female body has forgotten how to open for the love from God to allow God to heal herself - hence the female body that she now needs to physically open to receive the love from a male body. when she agrees and affirms herself of being worth to be loved she also affirms of being female, enjoys being loved and lets all the love flow into her and through her back to God and all others around. she transforms physical love back into spiritual love - back to divine love returning to God. it always is Gods divine and pure love that flows through all levels of manifestations. from God through all levels into physical body and through a physical body of a beloved partner of the opposite sex back through all levels of the souls manifestation into the divine source again.
a soul in a male body is made by God as much as a soul in a female body. hence being male or female both is absolutely divine. it is God made. any soul can be male or female in any incarnation on this planet. once both aspect of any given soul are developed to a sufficient degree of perfection, the soul can return to a higher level for further spiritual healing until God-realization is reached through God-union.
since in a physical body the chakras of the male and female circulate in an opposite polarity to each other it was God-made that those souls having difficulties to love others actively shall learn with those souls having difficulties in opening for love from anyone. hence the two lessons of male and female enhance each other. once you have mastered these lessons you can allow anyone to love you and you can love anyone. this love for all and to all however is then practiced on a totally different level of manifestation far beyond physical, astral, and causal planes. the first level such divine can be practiced is the level of the soul. hence self- or soul-realization is the first level where total happiness and everlasting love can be experienced to a high degree. the development of a soul continuous far beyond that point. it then is called differently. the innermost divine center of a being is free of any description and comparison, it is of such purity, divinity and love that only your very own experience will show you.
all - ABSOLUTELY ALL - on earth and beyond is God made and hence made of love - made with love. mankind on earth has just temporary lost its capability to perceive such infinite love that flows everywhere within, outside, all around and of course within all of us, within all of you.
male and female are two of the purest divine aspects of any soul. they are of extreme importance, hence it is of extreme importance to fully understand these roles before you can easily realize and fulfill these lessons. it all is so easy, so love-filled and fun. just learn to be like small children. look at small children at the age of 1 or 2 years. they all enjoy life. then as soon as they start to absorb blockages from their own parents problems and development of ego and additional problems start to occur. however they all learn to dissolve it in divine love. please note however that it is much simpler and easier to return to God if you just focus on love and hence prevent the building of an ego. the bigger your ego, the bigger all pain and suffering and the more love is needed to dissolve all.
all that has been said about men here on this post also is true and valid for all women. it has been said for a single men having put himself into troubles sometimes before and becoming homosexual. anyone starts to look for love and this quest for love has driven him to the search for God, leading to his post here. may as many person read this post as helpful to all mankind. may divine love and bliss help you to accept and fully absorb divine truth to allow divine truth to heal you. by fully absorbing anything while being fully open for God, while being fully open for all the divine, you make sure that all energy is flowing through you leaving but health and freedom within you.
opposed to full absorption is the rejection. anything you ever reject is carried along through all the many incarnations until you have absorbed it and thus dissolved it in divine love coming from God.
rejection always causes illness and pain, acceptance always creates healing and freedom. because on your way to God you learn to accept anything and continuously give it to God. leaving the effects of love - bliss - everlasting joy - within. the more open you are to the flow of love the purer the love may be that flows. on earth it first may be physical love, later on astral love and later again pure divine love. divine love is free of any material gifts, divine love is free of any words or physical action or symbols, divine love is just the most divine energy of love beyond any form, beyond any color, beyond any shape, beyond any manifestation.
love and allow others to love you. let all love coming from God flow through you your partner and back to God. until all love flowers through all aspects of your soul in its purest form.
all the lessons are the same for male and female, all the lessons are the same for all souls in Gods creation:
love all and allow all to love you. help each other in love and with love, heal each other with love. with nothing but pure divine love, all love you ever need flows from God through you to heal each other - it is God healing you as it is his love that flows through you - as you all are his beloved children - children of love
this is the great and only commandment from God. this is the absolutely only rule ever coming from God. God is love - you are love. allow God to heal you by letting his love flow through you and free you. absolutely anything and everything can be dissolved in divine love - ALL can be dissolved in love - anytime anywhere.
with eternal divine love
Dear Hans, the Loving one,
I am ready to accept myself and the male with in me and I am also ready to forgive for all that happened and I do understand my Dad's role too. I pray to Divine force to accept my love to all and open my self for healing. I surrender to the almighty and I love everyone and want all that Divine love possible to heal me to let me understand the role of a man.
All through my life I think I never experienced the manhood and thought myself as immature, and fearful weakling. I want to be a real man and I want to experience my partner in it's essence of true love leading to God union. I want to know her so much that I give and receive love.
I wish she would be able to join me the earliest as we never had a real life. All through that 6 months of life together, I always tried to put her on a pedestal and controlled all my feelings with in me so as to please and the stage came when I could not even openly say to her that I love her. Hans I want to love her so much and want to give that feeling to her that she is most wanted and I what to have children too. I want to be a father. I want to experience all that men experience. Understanding and appreciating female angelic body and knowing it from with in.
As a youngster I never had the inclination to appreciate female body and I liked beauty but never developed any attraction on the sexual level. I loved and respected Mummy and sister and also developed same kind of attraction with other women. It is rather easy for me to make women friends than male friends. Even here women like to talk to me more than men.
My Dad once slapped me for being late to work at factory in front of everybody and I felt so humiliated. I was 16 then
Once he beat up my brother for coming late home and myself and Mom were crying as my brother was bleeding and finally my Grand mother came with a knife and said she would kill herself if my Dad continued beating and thus it came to an end. I still remember my brothers' face with sorrow.
My Mom had to cook and serve for all Dad's sisters when they were living together and the grown up sisters never helped Mom even when she was sick. Some of the stories and experiences she had from Dad and his relatives troubled me a lot and I even wanted to kill them. But my Mom always advised me to be calm and loving and I turned out in life to be so calm, not at all assertive, so submissive, lost and unsuccessful as a man and I feel miserable and sad about it Hans, How much I wish I could be real man experiencing the real manhood.
I envy all males when they walk with their partners and I request Divine power to forgive me and show me the right path.
I feel jealous of youngsters when they talk of girls and marriage. Why is it so though I know they are God's children.
Hans love me and I pray to God to love me and heal me and I am ready to accept all that love to heal me. I am a male and I want to experience that manhood.
I love you Hans
I love myself and I want to love the man inside me completely and wish to like each part of mine rather than envying the other males and longing for their proximity. I want to get attracted to women and I want to experience the real union with my wife when she would join me.
What could I do when I develop the sexual attraction towards other men.? I think of God and even then I am unable to control it.
I am reading chapter by chapter all the writings in your web page and I am also reading and enjoying Paramhansa Yogananda,
I am eagerly waiting for your advise.
Love and prayers.
This is not a request for any answers as I trust my questions will soon be answered by God and I am that I am. I am a man and I do try sincerely to divert the attraction which I develop towards men, towards God and seek his intervention to help me.
As I was going through the web site and Autobiography of a Yogi, I realized that all through my childhood and youth up to the age of 28 or so I was totally involved in the house hold chores of cooking, serving,washing cleaning and going to college, baby sitting; most of the jobs being done by female energy and my male side could never get the expected exposure though I craved to be like other men of my age to wander, crack jokes,admire girls(though I admired beauty but never got attracted) come home late,go for overnight outings etc etc. I feel so bad about it and often miss my tee age. That is one of the reason I still feel so immature and long to be different.
While going through your web site, I am unable to get into the kundalini shakti chapter as it is not getting opened at all. The rest of the chapters are coming with out any problem.
Please let me know if it is designed in such a way that I can have access to it only after purifying and practicing all the other chapters.?
I am getting a desire to change my last name which is Vellappallil (my fathers family name, i.e. house's name.) Will there be any karmic effect if I change that. I like Ananda as a last name or some other spiritual name.
I will not bother you with any more questions now but wish to write about what I am going through in my spiritual quest through this posting.
Is it OK to write that.
Love and good wishes
Dear God and ALL BELOVED SOULS,
As I am progressing with the Autobiography of a Yogi, tears often fill up my eyes and I long so much for having an experience with Guruji and learn Kriya Yoga so that I can progress better. My attraction towards men are still there though I pray to Lahiri Mahasaya, Yoganandaji, Sri Yukteswar and Babaji, for blessings.
Since 2 or 3 days I get vivid dreams about childhood which I have not experienced and often in a different set up. I wake up with a heavy heart and realized that I never lived as per my interests and often complied to others will. Even for studies I did well because I was expecting a compliment and once I had that I felt satisfied. While doing university, though I was top in university for Biology, I insisted on taking chemistry. Now I think it was not based on interests though I was good at chemistry as well, the decision was based on scope and employability.
There were only few things which I did without even asking any one. One of that was taking a course on Silva method of meditation. I took it so that I could get over my nervousness and could be more confident. I enjoyed the 4 days of workshop mainly on meditation and mental dynamics.
The other course which I liked was Reiki again the need was for improving my inferiority complex and opening up my spiritual quest. This in fact lead me into different spiritual workshops.
I feel depressed often when I think of my past and I am determined to forgive and forget and I pray to God to relieve my off my past setbacks or faulty decisions and help me live like a real man.
My prayers and good wishes to all of you
it seems that you are making progress and all of the important steps are becoming fully aware to you. Keep on reading the autobiography and any time later, a few months or a year or two later you may want to re-read it again and again a few times or at least after the second full reading re-read particular chapters again.
Much of the details in important wisdom contained there in may be revealed or perceived only after a few repetitions of reading. The more you progress on your spiritual path the more open you are and the more you may perceive from all the spiritual treasure contained in that book.
As you progress on your path to God and keep focused more and more on God all that causes distraction to other men will automatically become healed and you will feel free of any distraction. Love frees and heals anyone. Love is the single most important to keep in mind on your path to God and love from God will uplift you with ease.
God's love can replace any human love on earth that you or anyone else ever was missing during childhood. Such love is neutral, divine and of superior manifestation hence it heals absolutely all. Love can but heal. Divine love flowing from God through all his divine daughters on earth will help you to achieve all the remainder of healing. You recently experienced how nice it was to be hugged by a true female, hence you enjoyed being a male. There is much more divine love-energy flowing between male and female humans on earth than between two men or two women ever could flow. That is what God created and mankind should learn to live with the original creation rather than adapting God's creation to their own ego and fears. ;-)))
whatever God created has a deep and divine meaning and love is all the reason why God made it the way he did. God's bliss and love will help you on your path to freedom in love.
I love you. I felt so relieved when I received your mail today. I have doubts coming in me regarding Yama and Niyama.
I do not have much possessions apart from my certificates and few pair of clothes.
I had few letters which I disposed off. I want to know how could I destroy the photos of my late Father, late brother and some photos of gurus.? Please help me with this.? Also I thought of throwing all the certificates I was having (diplomas) since they were my valued possessions. Please help me with this. Don't you think so the photos of Paramhansa and Babaji could be encouraging towards spiritual progress.
Love and prayers
keep in mind that you still have lots of work ahead of you, physical work of any kind - to return all your debts. hence you may need some of the diplomas that may help you to get a job offering you that opportunity to physically work and serve God and his children on earth.
physically doing for others and physically serving all others may be a helpful key on your path to God for the coming years from now.
memories from past ones shall be given to God. all. photos and letters related to such persons and souls could be given to God in a fire ceremonial that you create yourself in a peaceful and loving environment. give all to God by putting all letters and pictures into that fire - including all your emotions, injuries and memories.
a photo of a saint or guru may be a reminder for your spiritual goal in life. you may keep one if you keep praying only to God - only to God !! just remember and practice the principle of samyama - you are filled by what you focus on, you reach what you head toward. you reach what you have in your mind and emotions !! if love and God is all - then you will reach love and God for sure. anything else is like playing lottery.
many devotees keep praying to their guru. this of course is totally wrong and may be more distracting and misleading than helpful. hence the reason to keep photos from gurus is very little of at all. keep ALL your prayers focused to God. always to God and you will reach God.
with love and divine bliss
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