When a girl fears to become like her mother
Becoming a female
every soul has male and female aspects. learning to develop and apply these aspects where they have been buried underneath ignorance of the divine truth of all mankind is redone again by incarnating in a male and / or female body.
most souls incarnating do so in both sexes during the course of their number of incarnations spent in a physical or astral body.
to become a young angel like female may depend on one single person .... here you may see, read and feel which one.
spiritual progress and divine love from God however can replace any missing part and repair any damage that ever may have occurred.
If you have no idea whether you are male or female or feel to be neither male nor female ...
if you are in doubt about what you are - what gender you have - or if you are neither male nor female - then find out what God made - get naked in front of a mirror and look at your anatomical signs - if questionable compare to a medical book about anatomy - and then ..
Make up your mind and BE what you see
Learn to accept what God made - because the sexuality God has given to your outer body is what you need to life and to be inside and outside as well. Accept you sexuality and "play" your sexual role by learning to say "YES" to the God given creation of your physical body. Say "YES" to your sexual role in God's creation and live it !!!
honestly I can't tell you how I felt about my mother before the age of 10, but I will try my best to recall any feeling or attitude I ever had of her. any thing I am telling you now will be from the point of view of a 10 yrs old yen or older. my father had a herbal business back home and my mother was a cosmetic salesperson. both of them were and still are extremely good business people. because my parents were always busy with their business I never got to spend a lot of time with them. most of the time I would be surrounded by aunts, uncles, or grandparents and they would just keep an eye on me and my siblings. there was never a mother-daughter bond between my mother and I as she was always busy with her business and never had any time to spend with any of us. yes she gave us food, healed us when we were sick, bought us clothes, gave us money to spend, did almost everything for us except giving us her time or the gentle, motherly love I so craved for. how I yearned for motherly love that at night I would often cry silently, feeling so lonely.
i only understood that now as I am going back to my childhood; as a young child I never understood my reason for crying silently at night. when I was 7 or 8 I prayed to God to let me remain a child forever, to let me have the physical body of a child forever and not that of a woman. I can't remember what incident provoked me to such prayer. it has only been about 3 or 4 years that I realize how controlling my mother is. she is the boss of the household. she controls all the money and how it is to be spent. my father just knows how to make money, but never knows how to spend or enjoy it. I bet he doesn't even have one dollar in his pocket right now at this very moment. my mother is very bossy and bosses my dad quite frequent in regarding to work. my dad sometimes just wants to take a break from his business, go out and spend time with his friends but my mother won't let him. my mother thinks my dad would reveal inside information about their business to his friends who are also in the same business and thus could cause her business sales to go down. my poor daddy would just obey her commands. sometimes I could feel how badly he needed a break from his work but my mother won't let him because she just doesn't want to lose against her competitors.
without my dad my mother won't be able to handle all the customers and vice versa. my dad has been working 365 days/year for the past few years so is my mother except for the 2 weeks off she took during last yr to go to Viet Nam to visit her parents, who were getting old. when she came back from her short holiday break I told her in front of my dad: now it's daddy's turn to take his break, you had your break, now let daddy go to America or anywhere to rest his body and mind from the business, his body will break down if you make him work too hard because he is not a robot, but even a robot needs rest too. but she would just laugh and thought that was funny, and my poor daddy would just keep silent and let her control him. sometimes I feel very sorry for him, because he is just too soft. there were times I felt extremely hurt because whenever I expected him to defend me he did not because he just didn't want to argue or fight with her. I would cry silently "why are you not defending me daddy? why? you are my daddy you are supposed to be on my side. why are you letting her bossing you around or controlling you?" thus I carried a lot of resentments towards my mom for bossing and controlling my dad. whenever she asks me to do something for her, I always do it, but not without showing the hostility in my voice and becoming all tensed inside me. I never understood why but I now understand as I am analyzing my past and present.
my hostility has been an unconscious way of me telling her:
daddy allows you to control and boss him, but I won't let you do that to me too, I won't! But don't get me wrong, I love my mom dearly and whenever she is sick I am ever ready to make her well again. I am ever ready to work at their store if ever she is sick and needs rest. I am ever ready to take her shift at work so that she can get some body and mind rest if ever she wanted to.
to my dad such joy and willingness I feel whenever he asks me to do some thing for him, such happiness I feel whenever he accepts the food I offer to him, or whenever he allows me to take away his sickness. his warm and loving spoken voice whenever he taught me math as a kid would make me feel so loved, and I now think this was the reason why I always strived for good grades, particularly in math, for I wanted to please him. the love my mother has for me is a controlling, bossy love. I wanted the gentle love of an "ideal mother" hence I sought and still seek motherly love in everyone.
i seek it in all my female school friends, female elders, female co-workers, and high school male and female teachers. I would do almost everything just to please anyone, just to hear sweet and loving words like honey, sweetheart, dear, etc.. Such words coming from any female person and even male teachers would make me feel so happy and uplifted because I feel loved. deep down I never wanted to grow up. I wanted to remain a young child forever, so that I could continue to receive the motherly love that I missed from my childhood. I now understand why I have a baby face. as I am writing this so many things are becoming cleared to me, why I am the way I am. I can see why I have been avoiding men because they are a threat to the small child in me. when they look at me in a sexual because of how I dress sometimes, I feel threatened because the child in me never wants to grow up. I would get uncomfortable when a male person shows an interest in me because the little child in me still yearning for motherly love. perhaps the many words "perfect love" I mentioned in my previous e-mails to my divine master should be changed to "motherly love" regardless of whatever blockages I have concerning to my avoidance of men, I pray to the beloved lord to let me remain single on my way to finding him, as I sincerely do not want anything to distract me from my priority in life, God-Union. when I become one with God, then I will get married and have children if that is His wish for me, but until then, beloved Lord, please help me to remember always my priority in this life time, and that is to become one with U, and let nothing to distract me or delay me on my way to finding You. thank you all for reading my story. please pray for me to find God within the shortest amount of time and I you also.
i love u
i still don't understand how my eating disorder fits into all this. I just know that my self-destructive behavior stopped for a long while due to the motherly love my French teacher from high school gave me and is still giving me.
To suppress your God given sexuality always leads to inner and outer disaster
Rejecting part of your God given divine aspects means rejecting God's creation
your above post deserves a very special way of answering. hence you find the answer contained in the answer given today to Ashok in the Topic "sexuality on your way to God" subtopic "my fathers son looks at a man" just open yourself and accept this divine truth, advise from that post and the challenge of the young women inside you. and you will find all solutions always was within.
if your really want to understand you really will understand. really it only is a question of your very own and personal decision. the suppressed young female angel within you will win this battle of love. there are many announcements "in the air" i.e. in your aura and behavior. why will this young female win ? because it is your door to love, it is your only door to God, as this young female is God-made. rejection of divinity causes death and a possible new incarnation. acceptance meaning the capability to say yes in love -to say yes to God. once you said really yes and have FULLY accepted that young female angel within you,you then carry this angel-like being along on earth up to your last breath and then give it to God, then only. in the meantime your behavior resulting from any possible karma will show you haw to get along with your female body. the divine way is in love - with love - God made a young girl of you - you will return a mature women to him to become an angel beyond physical being. however you may still have sex - even in a thousand billions years from now - because becoming one with God leads to an much higher manifestation of orgasm lasting for eternity, and finally this God-union means that at the same time are getting one with all. getting one with all is the same as getting one with a man except that now you are getting one with billions of men at the same time and on a different level. the principle is exactly the same. loving all and allow all to love you. if you are rejecting the love from a single person, how could you ever open for the very same love of all at the same time - God is but the sum of all love.
God never defends a single person - such as your father- defending a single person - means rejecting another one. God loves all at the same time. your father just absorbed your rejection you had against the female within you that also caused a rejection against your mother as a female.
even food is love - and you even now still keep to be tricky and keep avoiding to fully open yourself just for love. but before you can accept just love you need to open yourself for love. the only way to do this is to become a women by truly and lovingly say yes to the women within. after you have successfully done that you will see how to proceed on your way to God.
with love - in love
like a divine angel on earth
in a divine physical body made by God - to please God.
i love food. I love food. I love food...;-)))
i love my female body as well as all the male bodies (and all the other female bodies as well)
Yen is love. Yen is love. Yen is love. Yen is love....;-))
Grace is love. Grace is love. Grace is love. Grace is love....;-)))
i am now 100% comfortable with the mantram "Yen is love", "Grace is love"
i love the woman in me. I love the woman in me.
i feel that I have successfully learned all the spiritual lessons pertaining to the name "Grace" with a passing mark of 85%.
the relationship with my parents, particularly with my beloved mother, has been healed 95%. my God bless and guide my beloved mother and father.
i thank my parents from the depth of my heart for bringing me into this world. I love u, mommy and daddy. I am free. I am free of self-pity, self-rejection. I am free. I am healed. let all my blockages be free. may God bless me and guide me.
i bow to the feet of all mankind and ask for a name change. my name is now "Elixir". I am Elixir. I am Elixir. I am Elixir. I am Elixir.
Beloved Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is suffering, let me bring happiness, where there is darkness, let me bring light.
may God guide all the females (and males) who suffer from bulimia and anorexia nervosa to this very particular posting and let them learn from my experience. may all those who suffer from self-rejection and self-pity be free. may God guide all souls to this divine website and let we all learn from each other's experiences.
i love u
Be Graceful and I feel happy because you are able to accept that beautiful angel with in you.
May you progress in the same way to God union.
With Prayers and love
Our parents are our idols
In all our sexual development - our parents play always a major role model in our entire sexual behavior
If our parents fail to be divine and true role models - then you have to shift your focus to God being your idol and role model in order to receive loving feedback and inner guidance to develop your own sexuality and live it freely in harmony with God's intentions.
Parents are the role model and idol children look up to - if parents fail to be a true divine idol and role model - then children fear to become like their parents - and turn homosexual or fully reject their sexual role ending in emotional disaster and emotional as well as spiritual stress.
Energy needs to flow - love needs to flow - anything for whatever reason that stops or reduces the free flow of kundalini will cause a stop of spiritual development or at least drastically slow it down.
Learn to accept that a body is God made - the physical body reflects all aspects of our inner divinity - while in a far less loving way here on earth due to our ego - still every single organ is made by God and made for a truly and entirely loving purpose. Every function of our entire body is divine and made to love, to give love, to make love, to create loving experiences and to create happiness in others resulting in ourselves being happy as a reflection of the divine happiness bouncing back to its origin.
Rejecting our very own individual sexuality of either being fully female woman or fully male man means rejecting or denying God's infinite wisdom and loving intents in all he ever did or created.
Everything God ever made had but one single purpose and goal and intention - love !!!
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