AMIT UPADHYAYA wrote:
This is the first time I am writing to you , Your spiritual newsletter is really a very good source of knowledge and inspiration, especially your today's newsletter on Making changes in yourself, before expecting God in your life.
My name is Amit Upadhyaya, 25 , from India . I came to US 4 months back and am doing my Masters in Computer Engr in Wayne State Uni.Detroit MI. I follow the teachings of my Guru Sri Paramhansa Yogananda. Since the last 3 years, I have been meditating, with a few breaks, but almost regularly. I have been experiencing periods of dryness, nowadays I don't even feel the joy felt in meditation. It is like I am doing it, because I know it is the right path. I meditate daily, but my meditations have become very shallow. I realize that I have been sitting for quite long ,but without any spiritual progress.
Why am I experiencing this state of dryness, It is almost for the last 2 -3 months. There is no Love or Joy felt anymore. As if I am blocked somewhere. I feel a lot of disappointment and frustration due to this.
I would be very thankful to you, if you would drop in a few words to me.
I am also looking for spiritual company, with whom I can meditate. If
you know anyone who stays near by please let me know.
and here his follow-up to the first answer he received:
on October 7th, 1999 Amit Upadhyaya wrote
I am doing fine. Thanks for your guidance during the last few days. For the last 2 days I am experiencing clear states of awareness during meditation. Mind is becoming very calm and there are almost no disturbing thoughts. I have experienced this after long time.
I still don't know what kept me disturbed for the last few days. I would like to tell you something about myself. I practice Yoga exercises in the morning, which relaxes my body and mind . I feel soothing energy throughout my body after I do the exercises. I have doing them since the last 2 months. Should I practice the exercises before or after meditation. I had recently developed a wrong habit of getting up late in the morning, sometimes due to my late night studies. But now I have realized that it disturbs the whole routine, So I am trying to get back into my earlier routine of getting up early so that I can first meditate and then begin my days activities with clear awareness.
Considering your suggestion, I have decided to apply for immigration to Canada, which should take 6 -8 months. The reason is that I can stay there without any visa hassles. Right now I am on Student Visa which doesn't allow me to work. Another reason is that Canada is more peaceful country. What do you have to say about this?
Another point that I wanted to discuss with you is that I have trying
to practice Celibacy strictly for the last 8 months or so and I have succeeded
a lot in it too. But the problem is that once every 2- 2 1/2 months I experience
a stage when my body experiences a very frustrated state as if I am blocked
or as if there is some chemical flowing through my body which produces
a very irritated condition and it lasts for 2 -3 days and when it becomes
unbearable, I have to break my celibacy. Then that brings a strong feeling
of Guilt or failure unto me. I have been noticing this condition after
every 2 months or so. Could you please advise as to how can I overcome
this period and what is the reason that produces this state.
Thanking you once again for your kind guidance and blessings.
do whatever your soul needs to be done to allow spiritual growth -
but do it efficiently, free and consciously - with love -
realize what you have learned from all your lessons
please make sure that you have carefully studied all the various chapters of my web site. particularly the chapter about yama and niyama - the spiritual laws yama and niyama
Spiritual progress - i.e. development of divine potential within each person - leads to dissolving of ANY possible problem that ever occurred in the past or may appear to hit you at present or in the future.
God and Divine Love are the solution to all. but you need to realize that divine love within yourself as well. YOU need to become a true and fully realized saint - an "adult" child of God.
so is spiritual development a natural relief to any sexual problem as you described it. God never required celibacy. if - like in your case - the missing partnership, including sexuality, is causing any disturbance or agitation of your emotional life, it may well be because God created sexuality as a means to develop divine love within mankind while having a physical body and your soul pushes you to confront yourself with all aspects of life and the divine creation including sexuality. the basic lessons of developing Divine Love are so important that he created a means a "playground" for his beloved children, to learn this very basic lessons with a partner - this playground is sexuality. it is but a minor part of the entire life on earth - suppressing it however causes year by year millions of persons on earth to seriously suffer physical and emotional stress, pain and illness. however it is important to realize, that sexuality is only the basic lesson of love, allowing others to love you as well as learning to love others. once you have learned this basic lesson to a certain extent, it is necessary to move ahead and learn to love beyond the physical love.
sexuality on your way to God may for many or most people on earth be considered like learning the ABC ... on a child's way to become a student and later on an adult working for his life. the abc is unimportant once you have learned and know the words, and the sentences, later on, even this knowledge may be replaced by spiritual ways of learning without knowing the abc. - like the technique of samyama or realizing God-consciousness. sexuality on your way to God may help you for some time to learn all the details of true love before enabling you to go ahead and practice a more powerful love beyond physical, astral or causal body - Divine Love free of any body, form or similar manifestation, yet more real and infinitely more powerful than anything else you ever experienced before.
If you body's hormones create a desire for sexuality, then there are two different points of view that will help you at present and in the future:
One is that you may learn to admit a basic need for love of your being, including all temporary manifestations of your soul - including physical love while having a physical body. this love can sometimes only be satisfied with physical love, as long as your separation from God is too obvious. before you can love everyone and can accept anyone to love you, you may first learn to love a single person with body, mind, heart and soul and allow a single person to love you to the same extent.
others need your love as well, why withdraw all your love from them, if your love can be a healing medicine for them?? someone may get healed from loneliness, from depression or even cancer just by YOUR full love. if you are ready to give all you have. there is never anything to lose, even in sexuality, but there is something to gain - LOVE. without taking a "risk" you never may win this capability to get LOVE from others and learn to LOVE. others as well.
the other point of view, to be seen at the same time as the first one, is: sexual irritation and agitation within yourself is often caused by your surroundings. the more your surrounding is suppressing their own sexuality as it is certainly the case in many parts of USA, the more these people get occupied in their mind and emotions with sexuality. this is causing a strong astral projection toward the outside world affecting all others that are potentially open to love and sexuality, or that need it as a healing medicine to get out of their present blockages. if you consciously decided to abstain from sexuality, there is but one solution in such a situation with active sexual projection around you. you need to free yourself from such an environment or live through it until you have got all you ever needed and wanted and are free to move onwards on your spiritual path.
a wise combination of the two methods above will make your life much easier and your learning more enjoyable. have you ever made love to an angel ? consider all other beings angel-like children of God wanting to learn to handle their potential of divine love-energy. some may first try with their physical body, and then move on to a even more enjoyable way of love beyond. one and the same experience always can cause at least two extremely different reactions.it always depends on your point of view of the lesson and how you are handling it. consider every lesson as a lesson that God presents you, either as a result for omitted learning in your past or as a result of your suppressed or open desires from your past.. since God is love - any lesson he presents you is a lesson of love, the easiest possible lesson that you allowed God to give you. other lessons and opportunities to learn and spiritually grow, that you may have received before, may have been easier but you may have rejected those simple lessons, hence they need to take different forms until you accept a lesson and go trough.
freeing yourself from such an astral projection of sexual energy resulting from your environment can easily be achieved by intense and loving concentration on God - i.e. concentrate on your third eye and remain with all your awareness there while you imagine that you now open your body, mind and soul through your Sahasraram chakra - on top of your head - for all the divine love, bliss and relief from God. do this in an attitude of love and silent prayer to allow God to relief you from any sexual vibration and desire. i.e. you can give your own sexuality on the altar of your divine love to God and you may feel instant relief and peace within. another easy method is to move - if necessary permanently - to a more natural environment and spend more time in nature. returning to India would certainly be one solution, as India has little if any sexual vibration among the entire population.
living your own sexuality for some time, but consciously and with God in mind, may teach you a lot of important lessons, up to the point that you may realize one day, that true love in a physical body is impossible at the time being, because the vast majority of present mankind on this planet has too powerful an ego to truly love. true love requires a true and realized spiritual development of all the divine potential that God gave all of us. the more a spiritual God-seeker is realizing this, the easier he may withdraw from any sexual desire, while at the same time developing more and more spiritual love and opening himself more for the spiritual love coming from God and all other divine souls beyond the physical plane. having experienced this truth will make it very easy to refrain from sexuality completely or almost completely and fully concentrate on your spiritual progress on your way back to divinity. sexual desire is but a reflection of your souls need and hunger for love, the more spiritual love you get by opening more and more, the less "hungry" you may become for physical forms of love - sexuality.
there is no such thing like sin, guilt or failure. so stop immediately to feel such. there are but important experiences to make and important lessons to learn. how can you have ONE single times REAL SEX - that means loving a single person with all of your body, mind, emotions and soul, if you feel guilt and failure. how would such a beloved person feel afterward ?? could you ever truly love and heal someone with this inner attitude ??
before you can replace physical sexuality by divine love beyond your physical existence, beyond the cycle of reincarnation, you may need to love at least one single person once completely and give everything you have in love. some people have done this in any previous incarnation, some are learning this lesson right HERE and NOW.
making experiences - any kind of experiences - with a feeling of guilt in your sub consciousness is to be avoided at all !!!! learning process is much slower if done with such feelings like sin, guilt or failure !!! do whatever you want to do, but do it consciously and it may become possible to make an experience a single time or several times and learn a huge amount from this experiences and realize and apply all you have learned from it in your being. suppressing any experience - even afterward -refrains you from applying all you may have learned from it and thus causes a repetition of the same lesson until you do it consciously and allow yourself to learn from it freely.
the subconsciousness is part of your causal body and is becoming more and more conscious during the spiritual development of any person !!! hence the word "sub-"conscious is quite difficult or even wrong, as it may cause a self-hypnosis of remaining SUB-conscious. however it is the spiritual goal of any soul to be fully God-conscious, i.e. conscious of anything and of all the truth, the absolute reason and cause of all.
anything made by God can be but divine - it is the question how you do it - however that makes the difference. even death is divine - but there is a difference on how God releases a person out of his physical body and how mankind on earth does it most of the times.
loving with guilt never can heal, because the hypnosis of guilt causes illness. as a free child of God, made to the image of God, you are allowed to do whatever you want to do. but learn to do it with true love. but love. and whatever you do with love, creates a result of love. true, divine love however can but heal. can healing love be a guilt or failure ??? love with all of your heart and soul and you may create a situation of love and health within yourself and others. move on on your spiritual path with this in mind.
an experience that you may need now, may become obsolete in a few months, years or decades. because you have learned from your experiences and become ready to move to more spiritual lessons - hence your conscious living, experiencing and spiritually growing leads to lessons beyond the physical plane, beyond the need of physical incarnation caused by any karma. or open physical desires.
now to the remainder of your questions. what does spiritual people (and all others as well, but less consciously) disturb from time to time. it is the situation that they cause every once in a while that separates them from God. you know quite well and finally all others as well, what your souls need are. you know quite well what kind of situation you need in your daily life to spiritually prosper and get free. but it is the situation that may be caused by some purely physical desires, like career, study, attachment, fear, feelings of obligation toward others and more, that lead to a new re-separation from God. the "distance" is getting greater again because you may distract from your spiritual priorities that really are important for your souls development, hence the results in your meditation and kriya yoga practice may get less - resulting finally in lack of spiritual satisfaction, lack of peace or harmony. as soon as a soul realizes that the person is drifting away from God for a while, it causes a feeling of distress and calls for help. deviation from the conscious learning progress on your path to God always causes a feeling of discomfort. make up your mind, find out your prime priority in your life and live it.
Learn from your past experiences. all your experiences, including being in the USA for study without being allowed to work. never any single person should accept such a situation. it is extremely important that you are allowed to work to be free in every sense - to do whatever you want and need to do. all the to work all the time or whenever you want or need for your own living. any other situation is causing a feeling of dependency and missing freedom, leading do depression, emotional stress and a stop of spiritual progress. do whatever you want to do - but do it NOW - full heartedly !!
whether you go to Canada, any other country or even return to India, it is up to you. consider well what you are planning. make up your mind, decide on a priority in your life. get information about the places you consider to go, their mentality, their spirituality, their problems, do you want to learn or to help / teach their ??
what is the first priority in YOUR LIFE. keep the result of your insight in mind. become truly aware of the result and realized this priority by putting all your efforts toward its accomplishment. write it down. stick this written decision to the inside of the door of your living room, or a similar place you see several times each day. so each time you leave your room, your apartment for any other place you are reminded of your prime goal in your life. compare all and everything you do with your first priority in your life. make sure that you spend your time, your energy and your present incarnation as well as your future to fulfill this single most important priority in YOUR LIFE. whatever your priority may be.
one day many years back, I made such a decision myself and for me the only worthwhile goal, decision and priority was God. because it is something lasting for eternity. anything else will be lost. again and again. any loss always may cause pain and stress. God however is Love. a life in peace needs Love, hence needs God, as he is the source of Love - he IS LOVE for eternity. this clear decision in my life made anything else that came later very easy to go trough. learning is continuous, no matter how long you spiritually grow. since God is infinite, the creation is infinite, the learning of any divine soul also is infinite. but with got in our mind, learning is but a LOVING process, filled and flooded with love, day by day. the more you spiritually grow the more love you feel, experience and can give to all. it is just a question of setting up and really and consciously agreeing on YOUR own priority.
when going to Canada, ask yourself whether you like it there. get INFORMATION before you yourself into get any new obligations and expenses or contracts. be free and remain free for the rest of eternity. now on earth and forever. what is the temperature there, the mentality, the food. are you vegetarian, if yes the colder the climate, the more difficult to find fresh and ripe fruits and vegetables year round. is it possible to go on a retreat for a few weeks or months or even years in Canada or the place of your choice for free. such as you could do easily in your home country India. remember that in India it is very easy to stay for months or even years somewhere in Himalaya or another place, build your own small hut or cave and meditate as long and peacefully as you want. and it is also possible to return to the high-tech India from such a retreat and almost everyone will understand what you have done, because spirituality is a normal condition and tradition in India but almost nowhere else on this planet.
all you need for your future is peace of mind and a place where you are free and welcome to do whatever needs to be done to meet all the needs of your spiritually growing soul.
Amit Upadhyaya also wrote:
"Hello hans (though I don't like to call you by thy name directly) ... "
never do anything that you dislike. keep doing all those things you like and enjoy. so if you don't want to call my name, just call me whatever you want.
but how are you talking to God ?? isn't he our father, our beloved, our lover, the one that always loved us, whatever we did, our very best friend and aren't we all sisters from that point of view. how would you talk to your sisters ?? calling them by their title, .... :-))) I have no need for a name but will listen to whatever you may call me if it makes you happy and spiritually helps you.
set up your own priorities and work toward achieving it.
with Divine Bliss and Love
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