learning to know my limits. get back within my limits. stay within my limits. gain freedom!

Posted by:

at 12/12/2006, 21:28:10

During these christmasdays one of my first goals is to clean up my life. To become free to do whatever is needed to be done.

Over the last years I was never in the situation to be free to do what I really liked nor what had to be done. I was never really free just to love and had time to love.

Some days ago I had a deep experience.

I got up and just wanted to make a routine check of my internet-server. In one of the logfiles I found lots of errors.

I set up and administrated a mail-server for one of my friend's office. In that mail-server I left a long deleted email-alias for the system-users.That caused a double bounce of mails pingponging between his and my server. Ok, first I found the leftover, wrong email-address and put in the correct one - still an address which points to my own account. In that moment the thought poped up: "What the fuxx has MY email-address to do in HIS server". Ok, there was still the problem which caused the flood of mails. It found out that the virusscanner was broken. That caused that the emails where scanned improperly, resulting in temporary files left over in the scanner directory. Just at this moment a huge 500mb mail was delivered to the server. After several failed tries the free space on the harddisk was gone, and every mail got rejected. The whole mailsystem was down. The main purpose of that server down, and my main duty was to bring it up again. It took me three hours of stressful working and configuring to get the server running again. Without virusscanner, but running. The last several minutes - since long it was time for breakfast - Hans was waiting for me to finish. Finally I got it and made me ready to leave my room.

While preparing and leaving the room my energy level was dramatically shifting, my joy to live and love that day, was rising up instantly.

At that point it was absolutely clear that I made a mistake. I made the mistake to install the mail-server in my friend's office, and offered to administrate it. It bound me to the duty to provide a well performing server. And I brought my friend to the belif that he can have a nice mail-server without own knowledge or work.

So it was time to make him a Christmas present:

My and his freedom - I released the mail-server into his hands.

On my interner-server I hosted half a dozen of other domains. Some of them for free, others with minimal fee.
Inspired from the above mentioned experience, I decided to quit hosting service.
I prepared for every domain some statistics to help the owner to choose the right host for replacement. All in all it took me about 6hrs to complete the writing of the mails to the hosted parties.

Alone announcing that I quit the service took 6(six) hours!!!
Looking back the years, I was far more busy to administrate MY OWN server for the service of OTHERS, than I had time and energy to do the work for my own website.
By the end of the year most of the domains will be either completely offline by their owners or moved to other servers.
Finally I gain the freedom to do my own, and only my own business!

That brought me to the next step:
Helping others to administrate their own server -> YES!
Running their server -> NO, NEVER EVER AGAIN!

blissful Christmasdays for everyone

Cyberspace Ashram for Kriya Yoga, God and Love