Erectile dysfunction

Posted by: God Love
hans registered
at 07/05/2005, 05:11:58

Corey asked:

Erectile dysfunction

Dear Gurudeva,
Today I could not have sex with my wife. I think
it is because of an external conflict I had with
another community member.
I became angry with her when she asked me to be
more careful about cleaning work, but I pretended
not to be angry.
Should I speak with her about this, or is the
necessary work here all internal?
Additionally, I have found "having friends" to be
difficult lately, as almost all speech, including
my own only causes me to see ego, and I have
found compassion lacking. Would you please
comment on this?

my reply:

Erectile function needs true love to flow between any two partner

Beloved Corey

Erectile function needs true love to flow between any two partner - any stress, anger at work or at home stops or reduces free flow of love and causes erectile dysfunction. hence the modern need of viagra in our society with so many conflicts and oppositions

your situation is typical
anything you do against anyone else - such as a quarrel, verbal fight, etc also is between you and your closed loved ones - such as your wife ...

even worst in your case
if you have a quarrel with another female
then that is even more intensely between husband and his wife
anything you do against the opposite sex - against ANY member of the opposite gender ALWAYS is between you and your very own partner!!

if you AND your wife want to be free of relationship problems or tensions, then both have to be fully in peace with the rest of this creation.
means in NO way that you have to support or endorse always what others do ...
you have to be able to be in peace of mind and heart, o accept that they do what they do the way they do it even if it is totally wrong. no one - even God - forces others to be perfect right away, as it is of utmost importance that all can find or see or feel the right way of love to chose on their own. with or without help from others depending on whether or not they can accept help or advice or want to do it all their way, slower but still finally achieving the maturity to love one day.

the external conflict with a member of opposite sex is between you and your wife - hence restricting the flow of love between you two for one of the 2 below reasons:

  1. your wife is biased - and hence disagrees INSIDE with your point of view - for a reason or for no reason at all. hence she closes for your love for the simple reason as she may consciously or subconsciously agree with your "opponent" or at least disagree with you for a reason or no reason at all.
  2. the anger you develop inside yourself is blocking the FREE flow of love - toward all and toward your most loved one at the very same time

now to another approach in future similar cases
lets have a look at your initial root cause:

"she asked me to be more careful about cleaning work"

means she thinks you could clean up - or clean up better or more often ...

your roper approach is to

absorb such critique - DEEP inside

think about all aspects of critique
may be she is right
may be she is LITTLE right but STILL right
may be you expected her to be "diplomatic" - but if someone has dirty shoes - the most direct way is to call it dirty shoes ...

anything more diplomatic is for the sole sake of ego only - diplomatic approaches serve only the ego and never serve most direct and most efficient progress and communications,

may be she is totally wrong


if she would have been TOTALLY wrong
then you would have felt ZERO touched and thus YOU would have had ZERO intentions to feel angry at all.

the fact that you felt angry proves that she was to a HIGH degree RIGHT - whether YOU liked her direct approach or whether your ego would have preferred a "diplomatic" approach.
diplomatic approach costs additional energy, time and resources
direct approach is honest and efficient

in situation of critiques you have a few choices as below mentioned

  • a person is partially right - hence you have ZERO reason to be angry but many reasons to be grateful for the true and direct feedback allowing YOU to progress and be a better husband father and lover. remember it SURELY would be far more painful if your very own wife would have said same or similar even though it wold be fully justified,
  • a person is fully right and has given you a brief but full feedback of your current condition needing improvement or correction asap. again a reason to reflect on your inner attitude and search for a change within you to initiate the improvements needed
  • the person is totally wrong - for lack of better knowledge or just because that person wants to make a fool out of you for NO reason at all. if YOU are 100,000% sure that she/he is totally wrong with all - then you surely have absolutely no way to get angry since you KNOW you are 100% right and she/he 100% wrong.

with other words there NEVER is a reason to get angry after being criticized for whatever reason. when critique justified - even only to smallest degree - then critique leads to YOUR betterment and spiritual progress.

if critique totally wrong - then no way to get touched by such wrong critique at all!!

now ab out cleaning work

cleaning IS important because - anything others

  1. see
  2. hear
  3. smell
  4. feel
  5. perceive in any way - including metaphysically
  6. ...

is their business !! no matter what!! THAT INCLUDES YOUR

  • fantasy
  • emotions
  • thoughts

as all above can be perceived consciously and / or subconsciously by ALL - even within miles or beyond. all have a right to live in a clean environment - clean also metaphysically in every aspect of life. hence all have a moral duty to be clean in their body, dress and living / working habits. ... from the body cleanliness it is very simply - all - girls and men should always be clean enough to make love or be loved in any way - including oral sex without having to wash, bath or take a shower before doing so! that is a simple but absolute measure about cleanliness. we all are made of love and made to love.
the very same factor to measure cleanliness also applies to all our environment. all should be so clean that we and all our children can sit, play or sleep or or eat or make love anywhere any time.

having difficulties with that above ??
then just think about later
in "heaven" - at home - we have NO junkyards, NO trash cans, NO junkyard or anything similar ... we have a most direct and most efficient instant recycling. whatever we do or create is of such purity that it is considered love for others ... sounds, lights, touches, products, services ... all.

if your children are unhappy when they leave home - its the business of all village or community.

if your wife is unhappy due to lack of happy sex - its the business of all creation
if your neighbor is unhappy because of dirt or junk in your visible part of garden or property - then it is of course his business ...

we all have to learn to behave in a way that ONLY is pleasant to ALL without ever causing any annoyance to anyone at all.

hence we all do have a moral obligation to be orderly, to leave all our garden and property as clean and healthy and natural as God did it for us.

most speech is about others or against others - hence small talk of no real value or just ego talk. hence silence is best. to talk just for the purpose of saying anything at all makes no sense at all.

that again puts up the need for a right environment. being surrounded by truly loving people. people whose first and only goal is God and Love ... will only love and never talk any ego talk. they may love without talk.

if truly love and are in a society or community of LOVING people - then there never is disagreement - hence NO need to talk. much or most of talking is done to verbalize disagreement or argue. discussions are war of ego.

in communities there are basically 2 groups of members

those who are at war with all planet and want to run away from getting in peace with all. those who escape their most important spiritual lessons.


those who are n peace with all - have learned all - lived many decades in many countries, many cities and many different cultures to get in peace with all by living WITH and amidst all until in peace with all and until all lessons learned and successfully applied in own life.

most of community members of alternate lifestyles including ALL those who once applied for a lifetime or LONG stay in any of my ashrams ALWAYS belonged to the FIRST a.m. group - they all wanted to escape hard work, serving all, being together with many different people, having to learn to live peacefully and lovingly with all ...

to be with those in community who live in communities for such reasons of escaping spiritual lessons and real / hard work and productivity may be far more tiring than living in a million people city amidst the first world.

it seems your present situation gives you exactly the right challenges to progress more intensely and faster, soon is honeymoon time ...

love and bliss


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