sorry if this is the wrong forum.. im in dire need of advice..
ill try to keep this short and simple, but I have a serious problem right now in my relationship, but this problem resides in me.. im losing my mind and dont know what to do

ive been with this wonderful girl now for 7 months and we both love each other dearly, we would do anything for eachother..

before we met we were both into partys and drugs(us both being 19), we did alot of it..

we eventually grew out of it but carried on somewhat, then when we met eachtother and fell in love our lives changed for the better, she eventually moved out of her parents house to live with me, we both have great relationships with eachothers families and spend all our time together, she says shes never been in love before

she is the most amazing person and I know she loves my with all her heart and I love her and we know and celebrate it - all we do is make eachother happy

everything has been good up until this last month when I started having these "problems" and I feel like im pushing her away..

my problem is, before I met her I had only been with 1 other girl and fooled around with 2 others.. she has been with 26 men, she was in 2 relationships which diddnt last long and the rest was drunken sex.. the oldest of them being 40 while through her teens ages 16-18..

now I have know this from the get go as we discussed.. well I am not one person to judge the other on what they have or havnt done... I was a little suprised at first, but it never bothered me as I diddnt care about her past or mine because we were starting new and we were all the mattered..

until this last month when abruptly started thinking about it,then from thinking to stirring, and stirring to obsessing, then obsessing to the point where now I cant stop thinking about it all!! I have suffered from depression and bipolar mania since I was 17

having the most intense panick attacks,brought on bythe thought the 26 men shes slept with, then mental images - their dirty hands all over her, images in my head of her with other men, then depression sets in - it hurts so bad thinking about this crap phsyically and mentally to the point where I have started crying for a couple seconds(i dont cry)

i feel the longer we are together and the stronger and stronger I feel for her everyday the more and more it hurts thinking about it.. I cant even look at her normal anymore without having thoughts of her being with other men

i just want to forget about this, whats done is done but I cant - ive been absolutly miserable for the last month and getting worse and worse

i dont know what to do, ive tried talking to her about it by asking her about her thoughts on it all and she seems neutral(which hurts even more for some reason) should I try telling her how I feel about this?
I dont think its fair to make her upset because of my own personal problems about her being involved with that number of men in the past..

i would never cheat on her and I know she would never cheat on me, but I feel like ive been cheated on.. I hurt so bad and for nothing im sure..

help me get rid of these thoughts, I just want to hold and love my baby girl again without having these horrible mind raping thoughts..

shes the only thing holding me together and away from a life of drugs
i love her so much.. please help me get rid of this unnecessary pain

anonymous