I feel what is right and what is wrong, I don't need no words.

Posted by:
Jiggo registered
at 06/18/2007, 17:39:13

As per your instruction I have finished and read the Autobiography of a Yogi again. All the praises you have for it, all the joy it seemed to bring to others, for me? Nonexistant and unimpressed. Floating, levitating yogis, saints who spent 30 years in caves meditating, saints who don't go outdoors. Woah, I mean how cool is that. I don't neglect any of these wonders have happened. I believe in the unlimited potential of mind, its potential never ending. But seriously, none of these "saints" had even touched my soul, a person who deserves the title of a saint should be a mother, who has two jobs and yet finds time to take his children to play, a firefighter who saves the cat out of fire and risks his life, a man who travels all the world, removes any obstacles to meet his woman. And what do these saints do, they meditate in caves... now they all speak of selfish desires isn't that what this is? Destroy wrong desires they say and bless the celibacy! "A married one only cares for his wife, and doesn't care about others". Now who did the cave saint care about the 30 years he spent there...

My quest for a new religion came soon at an age of 7. Every week after school we had a christian class. And again as almost every time I didn't show much care for the man in the black suit speaking about God. I rather
had fun with my classmates. I usually laughed double as much as my friends were, don't know why, I guess I just was happy, knew everything I had to know, and was not manipulated by teachings of all the wise men of this world. This day was no different, I had a conversation with my friend (probably was some sort of intellectual conversation:) when I felt this deep strike in my head. What was that? On the table there were some big pack of joined keys. The priest threw them at me. I don't remember if I did bleed or not, nevertheless this can't be a man of God I knew back then already. Later I found out this was an act of sexual surpression. I got my own answer to celibacy.

You say I read all superficialy, but that is only because your posts seem contradicting. On certain posts you say celibacy is wrong and then on the other hand you direct me to this book which apart from the miracles and
saint encounters talks very much of Yoganandas precious wish to become swami and join the celibate order. Many of the teachings is just a paradox.

My life could have been splendid, if only I never had started to read these books, religious and spiritual texts... I was born with so many advantages. I was amongst the best in every sport, I was in the 2% of nationals best scolarship (whos IQ is supposed to be bigger), but I don't believe in the IQ of the mind, rather the heart of a man. Rejected the scolarship and left school. I never wanted to be so different, beyond average, I wanted to be like everybody else. All my problems come down to these few SAINTLY teachings such as; "it doesn't matter if you live or die", "you are not your body", "you are neither male or female". This words really do hurt, because I have no idea why I should help anybody or myself in a deadly situation, isn't it the same if I live somebody bleed to death or save his life? If I'm not my body then why would I use it? If I don't have a gender, than what is the role in my life?

But no more, I don't need a single "wise book" anymore. IT is said knowledge about God will set you free, well I
was great before I had knowledge about "god"! It brought nothing but pain in my life. I can not do this anymore, I feel guilt everything I do, because just about everything is a selfish desire in saints eyes. Damn it I love women and I'm still young... it used to feel so good to make a woman smile. Now if some girl even only waves at me, I can't even smile back, such agony comes to my body. All I think is, look away devil, destroy your wrong desires. My charms are burried. And its not really about me ever having love feelings for a girl again, its about others, its about the faith I always had on it as it was the most precious belief I had, now I have no dream or hope. If it comes alive on me or anyone else or not it doesn't matter, its only about the hope.

Make up your mind on what you want you say... Its not like I would have a choice is it? These teachings are burnt into my head and they can't be surpased. My future is pretty obvious. It will be nothing normal, like having a family and wife, a normal job. I am becoming like this priest from my early childhood days. Ugly and hatefull. Destroying desires, doing the oposite of what I would have wanted. Mektub. It has been written.

I don't need no words. I feel what is right, and every saint can take his rules and eat them. Nature tells me everything I have to know, animals love without any words. Their feelings are open, a look into its eyes tells me all about the feelings and thinking of the animal. I have no place here with the ordinary people. They'll have normal lifes, I won't. I could have turned out a great man. No, its different now. The least lonely I am when I am alone. This way I know I won't hurt anybody with my thinking. I have to save the little that's left of me. Like the joy of walking barefoot through the land, the smell of cut grass or driving ocasionaly to the sea 200 miles just to see the view. A man gets used to anything, even to a life without love for a woman. If the Gods wish so, it will happen whether I want it or not its just a matter of time. Maybe I'll understand later when I'm old. Everything ends and everything dies, I guess that is why we shouldn't have anything on earth. But what is it like if you're a God? No gender, no desires, no emotions, no body to do any sports, no hopes, no nothing. You're just a soul wandering and floating around (and what do you look like, a buble?) feeling nothing, neither good neither bad, you're just there, like a cat. Why would I want that?

Its what it is and I can't change the world and its laws. Only myself I still can change, but this went out of my control. I can't save myself, and yes I get your message, I have to focus only on others needs, on poor ones and help them while I still can. This brings me joy, if not myself than other should be happy. We're all one in the end. I have sports to save me.

Its been a good 20 months here with you. I read your post about leaving the problems to us now as you spent 7 years solving them. I agree with you. You deserve only the most advanced people here on earth, to guide them.
The rest of us, me and my soulmates, the murders, haters, sinners, betrayers, we'll catch up one day or not. For myself, I don't see a reason to be in heaven. If you do come to visit me one day, I'll save you the searching a bit, look down under first I'll be where its hotter ;)

I almost never speak about my problems to anyone, I just don't like to upset them. Maybe once a year I tell my parents something... so I'm sorry if I brought this all on you. I am fully aware that many of questions have been posted before, but I was seeking direct contact and guidance. Just give me the usuall of the menu, 1 piece of ass kicking and one bottle of you are useless. It is the last time, then we'll shake hands and say goodbye.

Replies To This Message:

God Love When you know it all .. hans 1 Mon, Jun 18, 2007, 18:30:18
Even if so Jiggo 1 Mon, Jun 18, 2007, 21:26:58
God Love Guidance needed is already published hans 0 Tue, Jun 19, 2007, 01:36:54
please don't give uplink briget 1 Tue, Jun 19, 2007, 20:13:59
Hello Bridget & Gopu Jiggo 1 Fri, Jun 22, 2007, 15:10:14
I am sure you can handle electricity... gopu74 1 Fri, Jun 22, 2007, 16:51:35
God Love Thank you & Goodbye Jiggo 0 Sat, Jun 23, 2007, 16:43:51
God Love Sometime the contradictions may lead you to a higher truth !!!link gopu74 0 Wed, Jun 20, 2007, 01:21

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