|standing still and waiting for my ex to love me again..|
Since a year I am reading your website and reading the words over and over. It helps me to read about the possibilities in live. Only there is my problem, I am in a situation were I find it hard to survive. My relationship with a man ended 8 months ago, and I still don't want to have another love relationship with someone new, I only want to be with him. So I meet new people and that is very nice, but I just can not be in a loving sexual active way with another men, because that just does not feel right, and I still waiting for my ex to come back.
But that is maybe not very wise to do, and I now that he has another girlfriend just found recently. But I am still waiting for him to come back. It feels like life is standing still and it is hard for me to continue with my life, it feels empty, cause my love is not flowing. It has stopped. It stopped when my ex said he never wanted to see me again and even did not wanted any friendship and that he wanted to continue being angry on me, and that there was nothing I could do or say to take that anger away. The rejection hurts. He had made a decision not to continue with me, and after that decision he just when cold and hard as stone as he saw me, saying that he does that to protect himself from these feelings, cause he do not want to continue life with me. And then my heart, which was still flowing , just closed.
And I do not know how to continue with my life in joy. The joy is gone.
I know I have to do things different but without motivation, it feels like its better just to sit and die. Why continue with living life. Well that is what I feel, cause life as so much better when giving and receiving love with that person.
I know I have to work on a lot of issues in my life, losing my mother when I was very young, living with my uncle and aunt for a while, and then being raised by my father who was always depressed, and still is, and who rejected me and my son, when I was pregnant and did not want to abort my child, when pressured by him and my stepmom to abort my child. And if I would not do that they did not want te see me , so I don't see them any more, cause I kept my child, and am a proud mother of my son who now is 6 years old, and I raised him all alone.
So this makes me longing for a loving environment, a loving partner, and I thought I had found it with this man, and that would be my second relationship I started in my life. And I do not want to let it go...but I have to cause he does not want to be with me no more..
And that is what I find so difficult, cause it felt like I was closer to God when I was with him, but he could not cope with my emotions/sadness about my family issues, and I could not be stronger/non emotional about it....so he broke up the relationship, cause he wanted someone less complicated I guess...
Now I am hard working on all these issues, and hope to solve it and not to have them anymore, cause I hope that he will come back when I am able to cope better with all of this family trouble and emotional pain I still have.
But Hans, that is maybe very stupid or not?
Waiting for someone..cause all others are just not him...and maybe he is not returning to me....he said it was just a karmic relationship and he wants to move on. But why does it feels different for me? And can I not go on...
I feel like a spoiled child refusing anything of life, and not accepting this situation, cause I want something different, I want the feeling of being loved by him back. That is very childish maybe, and very low on a spiritual ladder measured maybe, but it is how I feel about the situation. But it is not getting my life more enjoyable, only harder and more painfull....
I only want to be closer to God and it felt like I was with him, I was closer to God, cause the love and family I had when I was with him ,was so very good. And now I ruined it, cause I had to many issues not solved, and he was fed up with my emotional reactions and sadness of not seeing my family cause of my pregnancy.
And your site is beautiful, but is that beauty also something that can really be part of my life, while I lost so many dear ones, and I start to think that love is not possible for me and it is just an illusion???
Forum operated by Cyberspace Ashram for Kriya Yoga, God and Love