Help in marriage

Posted by:
bradyb registered
at 12/13/2005, 09:05:59

I am so happy to have found this website. I have been having issues in my 6 year marriage. We have two little girls and I unsure what to do. Below is a transcipt of a conversation I had with a friend about this. I look forward to your thoughts.

Thanks in advance.

[19:11] FRIEND: whats up amn how are oyu doing
[19:18] ME: rough here.. I am putting kids in bed can I talk to u in a few
[19:19] FRIEND: yeah
[19:19] FRIEND: my cell and house phone is dead
[19:27] ME: how are you? hows biz
[19:29] FRIEND: im iz pickikn up..adn you
[19:29] ME: good
[19:29] ME: wife and I having lots of problems
[19:29] FRIEND: why did you say it waz cray round there..everythign okay
[19:30] ME: wife problems
[19:30] FRIEND: whats wrong
[19:30] FRIEND: talk to doctor phillip
[19:30] ME: She's just not the "wife" loving mother type
[19:30] ME: she says she wants that life but puts no effort into it or sporadic
[19:31] FRIEND: love is takes isnt the nostaligic thing that everyone tinks its supposed to be tha we see on TV\
[19:31] FRIEND: love is the stuff in between the picture perfect moments
[19:31] ME: I think it can be
[19:32] ME: I wneed someone who cant wait to see me someone who calls just to say hi someone to cherrish
[19:32] ME: I am not interested in playing games nor being unhappy
[19:32] FRIEND: you shouldnt be...everyone dserves to be happy...
[19:33] FRIEND: jusst playing devols sdvocate..why is it we see a different side of both of you togethether and apart..then what actually goes on..
[19:34] ME: my wife does stupid ****** and I dont trust her. It may be my insecurities or my past that knows about all that stuff. I don't think she will mess around, I think sh'es devoted to a sence
[19:34] ME: ?
[19:34] ME: Last night I was at her christmas party
[19:34] ME: I left around 12
[19:34] ME: candy was there and she said candy was gonan bring her home
[19:34] ME: I talked to her at 2ish and she said 10-15 minutes
[19:35] ME: now its 230 and no call no show
[19:35] ME: I call and call work and cel, no answer
[19:35] ME: I drive to her work at 230-245 and no sign of her or candy
[19:35] ME: I keep calling
[19:35] ME: I get smart and go to Candy's house
[19:35] ME: Candy was there
[19:35] ME: I walk up to the window and terri is running up the stair
[19:36] ME: I ring door bell
[19:36] ME: she comes down half drunk. Candy is passed out upstairs and I was pissed cause no call
[19:36] ME: she says candy didnt want to drive to my house
[19:36] ME: I said, I told you I would pick u up
[19:37] ME: so I go through the house thinking "Someone is there"
[19:37] ME: but knowone is
[19:37] ME: She said she was gonna drive candy's car home
[19:37] ME: but she was there 30-45 minutes
[19:37] ME: I said why didnt you answer the phone
[19:37] ME: it was in another room
[19:37] ME: just seems like a bunch of bullshit
[19:37] ME: ?
[19:38] ME: so I get to bed about 7am
[19:38] ME: Today, I told her to leave and her ****** is uncalled for
[19:38] ME: I moved all her ****** to the garage
[19:39] FRIEND: first problem is the lack of trust on both well as the lack of respect..not saying your a I am on your side for that one......she should have coem home with you or more considerate about your feelings witht he things she did last night
[19:41] ME: yah, that's the tytpical ****** I deal with
[19:41] ME: she is so devoted to work, and that's good. But she stays there sometimes til 3-4 am
[19:41] ME: And I stay here awake
[19:42] ME: And I know she is working
[19:42] ME: this happens quite a bit
[19:42] FRIEND: not saying that we are not alowed to have a good time..but we are all grown ups that have responsabilites..we may not like those responsabilities but it is the ligfe that we chose..we haev to deal with it in a mature way..and for the rest of hers and your life yall are going to have to think about others whethter yall are together or to me the first thing I would do is get to the underlying reason why all this crap happens between yall all the time..
[19:43] ME: because she is so consumed with work and her occasional friend
[19:44] FRIEND: sometimes we are to far gone that there is no clear picture or reason as to why things happen or are happening...a famous author said it perfectly..sometimes the root or the begginig of the problem doesnt matter but what your choices are now of how to correct the issues
[19:44] ME: a few weeks ago we were having issues because I heard that she screwed brian
[19:44] ME: I found out it was donna covering her own ass
[19:45] ME: but she did fess to me that a long time ago when I was out of town she went out and a guy came to my home on stonecypher with her
[19:45] ME: but nothing happened....
[19:45] ME: She swore on her kids and everything
[19:45] ME: she said how shitty she felt
[19:45] ME: so I play all this in my head and MY PAST and it affects me
[19:46] FRIEND: I think at this point both of you need to sit down as two adults and decide how to movce forward..
[19:46] ME: forward?
[19:47] FRIEND: right; whetther it be together or aprat, but both of you have to be on the same page..regardless f your feelings for one another..yall have a bond(2 of them) that will have you in one anothers life forever
[19:47] ME: then another issue I have is when she wont have sex with me. I start playing all this ****** in my head
[19:48] ME: I dont know if my hunches are correct or false and I cant seem to get a grasp of what to do
[19:49] FRIEND: sex should be the furthest thing from your mind....look at everything that you taold something to do with eher having sex with someone not trusting her..her not trusting you..yall fighting all the time..and as far as your hunches the problem isnt if they are right or not or provable but the sheer fact that you ahev a hunch that she is cheating,..that's a problem anyway
[19:49] ME: when we first moved to this home and I was starting my web stuff and not working for dad, she ****** on me and my feelings
[19:49] ME: no support
[19:49] ME: I wrote a heartfelt letter from my heart and she laughed in my face and infront of that donna
[19:50] ME: I have tried hard to be the husband she always wanted and I get nowhere
[19:50] ME: I have no desires to be with anyone else
[19:50] ME: as in screwing around
[19:50] ME: I learned that ****** aint worth it
[19:51] ME: what I have at home is golden
[19:51] ME: but then once again I play all this in my head
[19:51] ME: and back to square one
[19:51] ME: dont know if I am right or wrong
[19:51] ME: what a basket case huh
[19:51] FRIEND: no just a normal confused realtionship
[19:52] FRIEND: life is scary ecspecailly when the ones you think are supposed to love you fall aprt or away
[19:52] ME: why should I settle for a wife not at the capacity I wanbt need desire. One sided maybe but I think I deserve no less
[19:52] FRIEND: you got to remeber ..I know it is easier said than done, but if you are gong o forgive thanyou have to forgett....
[19:52] ME: I know
[19:52] ME: and she has
[19:54] ME: just cant, I play all it in my head over and over and I boil
[19:54] FRIEND: well by the way things haev gotten it seems she has als o chenger her mind after she has forgotten

Replies To This Message:

God Love A marriage is more than a little part time side business - a love romance requires full commitment on both sides - deepest clear love from the bottom of both heartslink hans 1 Tue, Dec 13, 2005, 11:40:00
reply bradyb 1 Tue, Dec 13, 2005, 13:44:50
God Love When a relationship or marriage is in danger - then both have to actively cooperate when willing to heal the marriage hans 0 Tue, Dec 13, 2005, 16:36

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